day 1 of xmas

A little would be in the magazine article...
Life Gone Kra-Z v1.whatever

Giving Thanks

It’s been two months off from writing, and I’ve already lost track of what volume this is. Sad, isn’t it? Sorry you’ve been without my Life lately. Seems I’ve been missing some of it too. Everything’s back on track now, and hopefully we’ll all live Happily ever after. One thing back is my Love Life, having survived an almost breakup. Sorry boys, but the sexy blond at my side will be there for a bit longer. Okay, a LOT longer, with any luck. One year has passed, and we’re now Stronger than we’ve been. I’m writing this in the midst of a week-long Anniversary/Halloween celebration including fancy dinners, cozy dinners in a tent in our living room, movies, Cirque du Soleil, house parties, and the world famous Fetish & Fantasy Halloween Ball. It’s been a helluva week and I’m feeling pretty good right now… feeling good and grateful. Which is a perfect, if not obvious, segue into this month’s holiday topic of Thanksgiving.

Every year, families around this country sit down for dinners of stuffing, turkey, stuffing ourselves with turkey, football, and giving thanks. If you’re like some, you’ll go around the table listening to what each person is Thankful for this year. Since I don’t really have that tradition, much less with the other Orphans in Vegas who will be sharing our Hotel and Casino Buffet Thanksgiving dinner, I figured I’d just spit mine out here. After all, what good is having your own column if you can’t just talk about shit that means nothing to anyone else? Of course, why not also add in what I’m NOT so thankful for, just for Shits and Giggles.

- My Girl: Thankful that it’s been an amazing, exciting rollercoaster of a first year with an incredible, intelligent, beautiful, sexy woman, and we Love each other to death. Not-so-thankful that some days I think she’s going to drive me to that death long before my Love gives way.
- Friends and Family: Can’t live without them. That’s all there is to it. Not-so-thankful that “Friends are the only family you can choose” because I’d like to trade in a family member for a new friend.
- The internet (and other technologies): I’m thankful that right now, I can get buffalo wings with hot BBQ sauce delivered, download 100’s of new albums, order the new Fighting Gravity CD (to support the Homies), and pay for them all with a debit card, while talking to my girl on a Bluetooth headset, playing Unreal Tournament with some friends on one monitor and watching downloaded German Bestiality Porn on the other… without ever leaving my apartment, handling Cash, or talking to anyone I don’t have to. Not-so-thankful that I still have to make polite conversation with the delivery guy just to keep him from doing pornographic experiments with my next order.
- TV: Seems like there are more decent shows on TV again, so I’m really thankful for that. Thank you 8 lb, 6 oz Baby Jesus for Lost, Heroes, Dexter, Weeds, Drawn Together, Family Guy, etc. Not-so-thankful that I can’t turn on the TV at any time of any day and Not find a Law & Order: Whatever, a CSI: Wherever, or any of the plethora of rip-offs of those franchises. I get it: criminals beware… we have Hot Chicks and Guys With Attitudes just waiting for you to fuck up and leave behind an eyelash or drip of spit during your escapades, so they can solve their Toughest Case Ever in an hour (minus commercial breaks). As for House and it’s rip-offs: same show, same cool camera effects, but with diseases not dirtbags. And would someone please, for the love of all things Holy, PLEASE tell me why the fuck Seventh Heaven is BACK on the air?!?!
- Thongs: Right now, my living-proof-of-evolution girlfriend (skinny white girl with an incredible ass) is wondering around in a Red Lace Thong. Just Imagine how Thankful I am. Not-so-thankful that… are you kidding me?!? Maybe that thongs aren’t acceptable work clothing. But that’s it.
- Las Vegas: Thankful that this city is such an AMAZING, never-ending assortment of shows, movies, concerts, fame, bars, clubs, love, lust, fun, food, architecture, different cultures, drugs, beauty, strippers, strippers/real estate agents, gorgeous hookers, and Life. Not-so-thankful that this city is also such a FUCKED UP, never-ending assortment of shitty, dangerous drivers; Spanish-only-speaking, shitty, dangerous drivers without insurance; tourists in general; lousy education; 115 degree days; clubs too big to find your way around, but sill too packed to be able to move and too loud to talk and too expensive to sit down in; famous people fucking up cover charges and guest lists; cool people fucking up life in general; and ugly hookers living in my apartment complex.
- George W. Bush: One day in the future, people the world over will study this man as what NOT to do with power. I’m so incredibly thankful that, not only am I alive to witness an event as historically Disastrous as his Presidency and the resulting chaos and destruction, but that as of this writing, there are only 813 Days, 1 hour, and 25 minutes left of it (the Presidency, not the effects). Not-so-thankful that there are still 813 days, 1 hour…
- Gleny: I’m thankful that there’s yet another overweight, geeky Jersey boy getting some love just for having fun and being who he is (much love to Kevin Smith too). Not-so-grateful that he’s doing it 2556 miles away from me where I can’t join the fun.
- Thanksgiving: I’m thankful that on this one day, no matter how old or young, no matter who you eat with, it is perfectly acceptable to wear sweatpants because you’re not only allowed, but EXPECTED, to eat more food than it would take to feed a displaced Iraqi family for a year. Not-so-thankful that while recovering from said gluttony, all that’s on TV is football. Or fucking CSI.

… Kra-Z is an Artist. ‘Nuff said. He lives and plays in Las Vegas, but his heart is still on stage at the Jersey Shore. See his work at artgonekra-z.com. Complaints and compliments are welcomed at get.kra.z@gmail.com …